Dear Diary: An Unexpected Challenge

Trainer-in-training course: CHECK!
First full-time course as ACT: CHECK!
Second full-time course as ACT: CHECK!
Time yet ’till I’m an MCT on a course: CHECK!
First P/T (extensive) course: CHE-…aAahhHhhhHh!!!!!!

I feel like I’m driving up on curbs and grinding gears and hitting all the lights…

Why?

Shouldn’t doing an extensive course be easier? Input session Saturdays, TP Monday/Wednesday evenings. Easy! Ah, let me count the ways NOT in this particular case:

1. Only 4 trainees. I have to feel tweek and rework all the input sessions In just getting tuned up.

2. Input session Saturdays = dominoes of timing problems when input sessions aren’t really tight. Lots of moving parts in a tight space.

3. My MCT is gone. Off to train elsewhere. The stabilizer I’ve come to depend on, pOOf! Gone.

4. Literally alone with my trainees and TP students eves. Nobody at the front desk. Nobody to deal with late TPers. Mess? It’s on me to manage.

5. Five weeks of me, me, me. I’d get sick of me too! Even more anxiety-inspiring, when the MCT comes back and takes over for the second half – I’m handing over these 4 trainees in a state unmistakably conditioned by me (and my weaknesses, blind spots, and eccentricities). Nothing blended in. The question, seems to me, isn’t whether they’ll be a gap, but rather just how dramatic it’ll be!

6. There’s like 10-12 other things! And really b-b-b-bad ones! But I’m already awash in anxiety now after typing out 5! Oi! Can’t even deal. Because…Aaahhhh!

If anyone has any moral support, please donate in the comment section below…

I’ll get on top of it, I tell myself, but damned if this first week and a half hasn’t been vaguely hellish.

All very melodramatic feeling, reading this but just now I was feeling like I’m stuck in this weird old stairway to nowhere I snapped a pic of the other day.

20140623-224734-82054742.jpg

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3 Responses to Dear Diary: An Unexpected Challenge

  1. springcait says:

    Hi, there! This happens as nobody’s perfect. It’s really great that you don’t just do your job but the fact that you’re so angry when you’re not content says that you really care. Therefore everything will definitely become better soon.
    I’ll just say that you have to find something positive to encourage yourself and this way to make students encouraged and willing. I’m sure it’ll make you both enjoy.

  2. Sandy Millin says:

    A few weeks later as I read this, and I hope it all got better! My plan for this weekend is to do my trainer in training pre-course tasks – I start training as a CELTA tutor in 9 days, and reading your blog about it has been interesting 🙂 Need to think about how I’m going to do my interactive journal too – was thinking about blogging, but it’s probably better to do it offline first, then write about highlights, just in case 😉
    Sandy

    • Matthew says:

      Oh! Well I’m very curious to find out how it all goes. I’d definitely agree about the journaling. I had a similar thought, but quickly realized that that’s NOT for public consumption. The challenge of the extensive course has indeed become far more manageable, and thank you for your comment and the reminder to follow up on it. 🙂 I’m thrilled, by the way, to have you among my readers! Esteemed! 🙂

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